Teenage Mutant Ninja Lightning
Tuesday, 09 March 2010 10:37 | Written by Matt Amos | 
A while ago, I made a couple of references to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while talking about the Lightning. One was on Twitter, and the other in a game thread. Initially not much was made about it, but as I got thinking about it, I thought it would be a great idea for a post. So, without further ado, I give you the Tampa Bay Lightning version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Master Splinter: Vinny Lecavalier
Intelligent, all-knowing, stellar leader, mentor. Our captain guides the team through all levels of conflict, and provides the stability that Rick Tocchet systematically bleeds out of the locker room.
Leonardo: Marty St. Louis
Leonardo was known as the eldest and most skilled of the Turtles. Needless to say, Marty falls in line with both of those. Coincidentally, Marty also looks the best in the blue alternate jersey.
Donatello: Steven Stamkos
The connection here is the lack of violence. Donatello preferred to negotiate when possible instead of fighting. Stamkos scores a million power play goals instead of fighting. I’d say it’s about the same.
Raphael: Zenon Konopka
The most aggressive of the Turtles, Raphael never back down form a fight, and often threw the first punch. The only difference is that while Raphael was generally content in just winning the fight, Konopka doesn’t stop until the coroners pull him off of the body.
Michelangelo: Brian Lawton
Michelangelo was known as the comedian of the group. Unfortunately, while Michelangelo told humorous anecdotes and one-liners, Brian Lawton is the real joke.
April O’Neil: Dave Mishkin
April was saved by the Turtles and became somewhat of their publicist, and assisted when she accompanied them on their adventures. While Mishkin’s role is similar, if someone had been yelling “SCORE!!!!” during the Turtles’ fights, some integrity may have been compromised.
Casey Jones: Phil Esposito
Casey was often seen with April, as well as helping the Turtles, and beating people up with sports equipment. While being seen with Dave Mishkin is the obvious connection, the more important-yet lesser known- connection is that he’s been known to beat former Lightning owners with a baseball bat. We love ya, Phil.
Shredder: Rick Tocchet
The villainous, unequivocal archenemy of the Turtles meets the villainous, unequivocal archenemy of the Lightning. While Shredder wanted to explode the Turtles, Rick Tocchet seemingly wants to explode the brains of Lightning fans. No matter what version of the Turtles, they couldn’t ever seem to get rid of Shredder. This phenomenon is similar to what Lightning fans feel everyday when they pick up the newspaper and read that Tocchet hasn’t been fired yet.
